Whatchamacallit

Oct 16

Growing up
Is when someone’s body
Replaces the stuffed animals.


May 6

Breakdown
for a break up.
It’s like you never even
gave a fuck.
Lost hope
Lost luck
Crashing down
and making up.
Making out
to feed the lies
all you wanted
was between my thighs.
You said stop
and I cried no,
but now you keep on saying
go.
But why would I,
in my right mind
go back
to be hurt
One
More
Time.


Apr 24

Every sip I take in
of the air around you
is sweet.
Like cotton candy
I feel your body
melt
with every time
I push my mouth to your skin.
I feel your warmth and comfort
like hot chocolate
on a sleeting night
like blankets in the cold.

You’re everything I need
but more than I ever
thought to want.
You’re the thought
that helps me sleep at night.
You’re the reminder
that dreams are not naive
that hopes are not worthless.
You’re the proof that learning to love
is worth every struggle
and every second of fear
that stems from paranoia
of the day it could slip
you could slip
from my grasp.


Mar 24

Every ounce of pain
that weighs on you
weighs on me too.
Because I learned
from lacking love
that if you care
even pain
is something
that loved ones share.


Mar 18

Every muscle in my body
tenses at the thought,
every part of me hurts
because I am being pulled
in every direction
by the thoughts in my head.
I don’t know how much longer
my body will hold up.
I don’t know how much pain
I can go through before I shut down.
Again.
I will shut down
Again.
I will close myself off
Again.
I won’t be alone,
I never was,
in fact I may have too much
of too many people.


Mar 16

With every gaze
you set on me
I read
a little too far
into every smile
you never felt


Mar 15

She drew smiles on
every time
she took a photo
just to hide
what she wished
she didn’t feel.


Feb 26

Give me
one reason
one good reason
that I shouldn’t fall back
into bad habits.
Bad habits
are so easy
bad habits
feel so safe
bad habits
are what build
and break
every part of me.
So give me
one real reason
one good reason
to not let my body give
as it always has
to the bad habits
that make me.


Feb 22

I can almost feel
your body
pulled tight against mine.
But turning to face you
would mean
turning to face the reality
that you’re gone.


Feb 16

See I watch you
so closely because
I don’t want to miss
every movement you make
is beautiful.
I listen to you
with all of my body
because I want to remember
what your thoughts
feel like
whispered on my neck
when you’re not with me.
I want to know
what your passion
for beauty
sounds like
with every rise and fall in your voice
when you’re not with me.
I want to know
what love from you
tastes like
with every time you put
your lips against mine
when you’re not with me.
I want to run
my fingers
over every part of you
so I can see you with my body
when you’re not with me.
I want to love you
with every piece
and ever part of me
because you deserve
to feel love
trace it’s way across your skin
even when you’re not with me.


Feb 15

I found comfort
in a place I never expected.
With your face
so close to mine
every breath you exhale
becomes
every breath I inhale.
And when I let go
of the air in my lungs
I let go of pieces of me.
Bad pieces
Sad pieces
Because I found comfort
in a place unexpected
Because I found comfort
with you.


Feb 11

Every word
that falls from your lips
seems to wrap it’s way
around my head.
The same way
your arms wrap around
my body
your words make me feel safe.
Your smile
makes me feel untouchable
and the only touch I want to feel
Is yours.
I want to feel your body
tucked up against mine.
I want to feel your heart beat
push back against mine.
I want to feel your lips.
Your lips on mine.


Feb 10

Retracing steps
I never wanted to take
I’m back
where I never thought I’d be.
Sitting across from you
in this room.
This feels all too familiar
and that makes me sick.
Because just like before
my company will disappear
and I will be left
with empty hands
and a broken heart.

Don’t let anyone tell you
that people learn
from the past.
It’s quite the opposite
people spend their entire life
reliving it.


It’s amazing how many problems
I make for myself.
It’s amazing how many things
that I love
I ruin.
It’s amazing how I
am my worst enemy.
I take every great thing
and shred it
to a point beyond recognition.
Because for some reason
that seems to suit me better.
Maybe I’m not comfortable
till everything
that makes me happy
is gone.


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